The Emotional Toll: Surrogacy vs Adoption
Surrogacy and adoption are two methods of building a family for couples who are unable to conceive or carry a child on their own. While both options offer the opportunity to become parents, they also come with their own set of emotional challenges. In this blog post, we will explore the emotional toll that surrogacy and adoption can have on individuals and families.
Surrogacy is the process in which a woman carries a pregnancy for another individual or couple. This can be done through traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate’s own egg is fertilized with the intended father’s sperm, or gestational surrogacy, where the surrogate carries a pregnancy created with either the intended parents’ genetic material or donated gametes.
On the other hand, adoption is the legal process of becoming the parent of a child who is not biologically related to you. This can be done through various means, such as domestic adoption, international adoption, or foster care adoption.
Both surrogacy and adoption involve a lot of planning, paperwork, and financial investment. However, the emotional toll of these processes is often overlooked. Let’s take a closer look at the emotional challenges that can arise in surrogacy and adoption.
Surrogacy:
1. Intimacy and Loss: The bond between a mother and her child is a unique and intimate one. For the surrogate, carrying a child for someone else can be emotionally challenging, as she may have to detach from the pregnancy and the child after giving birth. This loss can be particularly difficult for traditional surrogates who use their own eggs, as they have a biological connection to the child.
2. Emotional Attachment: Intended parents often develop a deep emotional attachment to their surrogate and the child she is carrying. This can create a sense of anxiety and fear of losing the baby if the surrogate decides not to go through with the pregnancy or if any complications arise. This emotional rollercoaster can be overwhelming for both the intended parents and the surrogate.
The Emotional Toll: Surrogacy vs Adoption
3. Expectations vs Reality: In surrogacy, intended parents may have high expectations for the pregnancy and the child. However, things may not always go as planned, and there can be complications during the pregnancy or after the birth. This can lead to disappointment and feelings of frustration and helplessness.
4. Legal Challenges: Surrogacy laws vary from state to state and can be complex and confusing. This can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for both the intended parents and the surrogate, as there is always a risk of legal battles or issues with parental rights.
Adoption:
1. Grief and Loss: For adoptive parents, the process of adoption often involves a sense of grief and loss as they come to terms with the fact that they are unable to have biological children. This can be a difficult emotional journey, and many may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or failure.
2. Waiting Game: The process of adoption can be lengthy and unpredictable. Adoptive parents may have to go through multiple rounds of interviews, home studies, and background checks before being matched with a child. The waiting game can be emotionally draining, and the fear of being rejected or not being chosen by a birth mother can be overwhelming.
3. Attachment and Bonding: Adoptive parents may worry about their ability to bond and form an emotional connection with their child, especially if the child is older or has experienced trauma. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and fear of being rejected by the child.
4. Open Adoption: In recent years, open adoption has become more common, where birth parents and adoptive parents maintain some form of contact after the adoption is finalized. While this can be beneficial for the child, it can also create emotional challenges for the adoptive parents, as they may have to navigate a relationship with the birth parents.
In both surrogacy and adoption, there is also the added stress of financial investment. Surrogacy can cost anywhere from $80,000 to $120,000, while adoption can range from $20,000 to $50,000. This financial burden can add to the emotional toll, as parents may feel pressure to make the process successful after investing a significant amount of money.
In conclusion, surrogacy and adoption are both complex and emotionally taxing processes. Both options offer the opportunity to become parents, but they also come with their own set of challenges. It is essential for individuals and couples considering these options to fully understand and prepare for the emotional toll that they may face. Seeking support through therapy or support groups can be beneficial in navigating these challenges and building a strong and resilient family.